Sometimes you'll read something or hear something, and you'll think "Now there is a thing that I would just never ever say." And sometimes it's the content, but very often it's the form. Mae told me the other day about this conversation she overheard where one of the people said "I saw you crossing the road and I said to myself, I said you'll know what I'll do, I'll just give her a call."
And there it's definitely not the content (although the content is not great. It's not a great story that this person was telling), it's how the person said it.
And there are LOTS of things like that. Another thing I know that I would never do is call someone "girl" or "my girl". Not in a way of being a feminist, obviously, but just because it sounds so kitsch. Like if there was a choice between having a stern chat with someone that started, "Listen, my girl, it's time for you to pull your socks up..." or just not having the talk at all, I would choose silence. "Child..." is even worse. It's much worse, actually.
A lot of it has to do with the voice I do in my head when I imagine these things. It's a very very thick sassy Durban accent, and it makes EVERYTHING sound terrible, but there are a few real killers.
"That made me chuckle" is one of my worsts. I can't even think of the word "chuckle" without feeling all sad and embarrassed. "Comical" instead of "funny" is terrible. "Chubby" is a word that I don't think ever said in my life. Another terrible one that really requires you to say it in Sassy Durbs before you get the full picture is "No Offense But...".
My dad has loads. Sometimes he comes home from work laughing scornfully about them. And NOT in the way of being like a "snob" or something. The point is that everyone has words that just get their backs up, and you can't even always explain why. It's something I am doing a poll about on my invisible radio show at this very minute.
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