YESTERDAY WAS ONE MONTH OF NO SMOKINGS

ONE MONTH!
here are some things i wish i had been told when i decided to stop:
1. you will get a bit fatter. you just will. you are not the exception to this rule and oh come on you have been eating popcorn and gummy sweets for a month what did you expect.
2. the worst part is, when you realise this, you won't be able to have a million cigarettes in order to calm yourself down. you won't be able even to have ONE.
3. you'll eat so many gummy sweets you'll give yourself a hole in your back tooth.
4. you'll get so grumps you will be able to flick through the march issue of american vogue and say a terrible cutting thing about every single person on every single page.
5. you'll get into such a feverish state about not being able to smoke when you're done eating that you'll chew like a pack of gum a day.
6. you'll become a real expert on different kinds of gum .
7. you'll go through jars and jars of horrible instant decaf coffee.
8. despite all the CRAP you are eating, and despite the fact that you are so ratty you are basically poisoned from the inside, your skin will GLOW. you will become a person of glowing skin.
9. this will only make you realise how terrible your skin was before, which will send you into another decline, and another session of just rubbishing every model in the same issue of american vogue, except really going for it this time and making other people look at how HIDEOUS THEY ALL ARE.
10. you'll just stop getting hangovers. they just go away. this will be totally pointless, because having drinks and then not being able to smoke sucks so much that you will basically have quit drinking as well.
11. you'll realise that your terrible circulation wasn't just because your constitution is shit. your terrible circulation was from smoking all the time, and now it's amazing.
12. it's totally worth it, as long as you don't ever ever think about how much you miss it, because you're just going to miss it all the time.
13. it is worth it though.