There have been some things in the news lately

One of them was that during the Raoul Moat Manhunt, the police enlisted the help of that celebrity survivalist called Ray Mears. I don't know how to take all this. I do just sort of think: what. Ray Mears. But he's on TV! Eating old bits of snakes in the jungle! I don't think of him as a real man. And of course the whole case was terrible, it really was, but if one good thing has come out of it, it's me imagining Ray Mears's pleased little pink face when Scotland Yard called him.

the other thing was that during the Raoul Moat Standoff, that celebrity alcoholic and footballer called Paul Gascoigne arrived at where the police were baying into their megaphones and doing negotiation things. He arrived fresh from an "all day wake" for someone, and said he was a friend of Raoul Moat's (he knew him from when he was a bouncer) and that all he had to do was walk around on the moors shouting, "Moaty, it's Gazza", and everything would be fine. He brought some supplies with him also. They were:
1. a can of lager.
2. some chicken drumsticks.
3. a fishing rod.
4. a cellphone.
5. a dressing gown.

2 and 5 are my bests. But really they are all just something else. This is all true. It's gone very underreported, I guess because of the just amazing amount of lols attached to it, and the whole thing is still very Raw and No Laughing Matter etc. And it is terrible. But also quite incredible.